Is non-forgiveness maintaining your emotional distress?
by Tony Macelli
This article has been placed by the author in the public domain. It may be redistributed or republished without permission. It is a self-help tool for you from the Emotional Freedom Service.
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Do you feel stuck, sad, or angry? Maybe not forgiving someone is the problem? When you don’t forgive, you have a repeating voice inside you that’s always angry and blaming. This voice stops you from being happy, and you may feel stuck in your misery or rage. You may be unable to feel normal and free. If this is you, you need to forgive the other person.
But forgiving isn’t always easy. It is normal to be hurt and upset when somebody has betrayed you, or made you feel small, or abused you. And sometimes you may feel that the upset, your distress, prevents you from forgiving.
The truth, however, is that forgiving will help to heal your distress. You may think that your hurt is the responsibility of whoever abused or hurt you. That is just wrong thinking. Your hurt and your emotional distress are your responsibility. This does not mean your “fault”! It’s your job to notice it, and to heal it. It’s nobody else’s job.
You may need somebody’s help to face and release your emotional distress. When someone truly listens to you, you may find that your pain is healed. Or you may be strong enough to help yourself to heal. If you have been very angry for a long time, your body seems to store the anger inside it, and this must be released – it’s poison. Releasing your anger will make it much easier to forgive.
Sometimes, the person you really need to forgive may be yourself. Think about this. Here is something you can think about: Which do you feel you should do first—forgiving the other person, or forgiving yourself?